My Best Friends Girl
by PrincessCheese
Summary: Future Fic. When Blair Archibald's husband dies she finds her saviour in the most unlikely place. Blair/Chuck Slight Blair/Nate Serena/Dan
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : - This is my first fanfic, I am a bit worried about it, I have a few more Chapters and would love a beta if anyone is offering. Plot direction advice will also be considered. Thanks for reading.**

**Based on the TV series, forgive my NYC ignorange, I am just a girl from London who doesn't know her Coco Chanel from her YvesSaintLaurent.**

**Did you ever hear them church bells toll, Means another poor boy is dead and gone.**

As Blair Archibald stepped out of the black limousine into the New York rain a black umbrella opened above her head, shielding her black Chanel shift dress and black Phillip Treacy hat from the inconvenient weather conditions. Normally she would thrown the driver a smile, Paul was always there with an umbrella when it was raining, an extra hand when she had almost shopped till she dropped, she had nicknamed him "Sir Paul" ever since on her wedding day he had placed his jacket over a puddle so that she could walk over it without ruining her Jimmy Choos or getting splashes on her Eleanor Waldorf gown just like Sir Walter Raleigh had done so many years before for Queen Elizabeth I.

Paul had made sure that she arrived in perfect condition, for what proved to be a perfect day. How could it be anything less than perfect? She was marrying the man of her dreams and with Eleanor Waldorf and Anne Archibald organising an event it was bound to be spectacular.

Her father's French chateau was the setting, and it seemed to all the guests almost as if Harold had ordered in spring, it was only February but blossom and flowers adorned every spot making both the architecture and the wedding party look beautiful. It was a small wedding nothing like Blair had imagined her wedding to Nathaniel Archibald would be, there was no meringue gown, instead she wore a simple fitted gown made by her mother, no legion of bridesmaids and groomsman just Serena for her and Chuck as Nate's best man, page six made mention of the event but they were not invited. It was intimate and beautiful and the best day of her life.

But today wasn't her wedding day that was two years ago; this was the worst day of her life. Today was her husband's funeral.

Today Blair didn't want to be sheltered from the elements; she wanted to feel each drop of rain, to smell the garbage stacked outside the cafe beside the church, to hear the crunch of snow under her feet.

Blair walked towards the large imposing church, ironically she and Nate were originally supposed to get married there, it was somewhat of an Archibald tradition, instead they had promised to have lots and lots of christenings there, they were both only children and had agreed on having the large family that neither of them had had growing up. Blair had never thought that the next time she visited that church it would be to say goodbye to her husband, to Nate.

As she thought of it her knees gave way ever so slightly, for a moment the façade of serenity slipped and the enormity of her grief was apparent. In a moment she felt it all, time slowed the cars driving down the street were still, she looked around, Nate had a good turn out, half the upper east side had congregated outside, all of them head to toe in this seasons best, all head to toe in black and all looking at her. She wondered for a second what they expected, she knew that they were waiting for something, as much as Nate was loved, this was the gossip girl generation, and even funerals were fair game.

Was she supposed to stay calm and serene, keep it together for Nate, and not embarrass him at his final party, it's what Blair Waldorf would do, Blair Waldorf, the ice queen of the Upper East Side who upheld etiquette at all times. But she wasn't Blair Waldorf anymore she was Blair Archibald and Blair Archibald had just lost the love of her life the only man who had ever loved her for herself not for what they wanted her to be.

Blair Archibald wanted to go home and take off the 4 inch heels, rip off the hat which was making her half blind. To pull off the Chanel dress and put on one of Nate's sweaters and lie down on Nate's side of the bed like she did so many times when he was out or even just watching TV in the other room. That's where she should be surrounding herself with him whilst he was still there before the scent of him faded, before his presence was diluted by the never ending stream of mourners and after that people trying to get her to move on.

Move on to what, before she married Nate she was Blair Waldorf, daughter of Eleanor and Harold, but without them she would still make sense. Blair Archibald doesn't make sense without Nathaniel Archibald.

She started to turn around to give in to the urge to run but before she could take a step she was enveloped in arms as strong as Paul's but as slender as her own as she gave into the hug holding tight, holding for dear life to her human buoy, her Best Friend Forever. Serena had been there when she had gotten the call; they had been having one last blast before Serena went to travel the world. They were out at Butters, it was horribly unfashionable now the girls of Constance and boys of St Jude's had found somewhere else to call home in the 7 years since they had graduated, but nostalgia brought them there and as they laughed and cried and said farewell the absence of the glitterati was greatly appreciated.

They had been in the car when the call came in, at first when Blair had started screaming Paul had thought that the girls were just reverting back to being teenagers but as the sobs started he knew that something was not right. Blair had given the phone to Serena, wanting the offending item as far from her as possible. As Serena listened to her step-father Bart Bass on the end of the phone say how sorry he was, the emergency room staff did everything they could, they worked on him for an hour, that it was just a freak accident, that no one could have predicted the storm, his boat had been smashed on the rocks, he was just in the water for too long. Her heart broke, not for one time fling and life long friend, Nate was dead and it hurt a lot, but Serena's heart broke for Blair. Her best friend who found happiness in the place she always knew she would, who threw away the map, got lost, but still made her way home, made her way to Nate.

As Serena held her on that cold winters day she opened her eyes and with all of New York watching her she watched someone else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews constructive criticism always welcomed. Don't worry this is going somewhere and will be a Chuck and Blair Fic but just need to build in some background before can get on with the juicy stuff. Gossip girl might even make an appearence when I have gotten the Angst out of the way :) **

**xoxo**

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Chuck stepped backwards into the Alley opposite the church for a moment he thought she had seen him; her big brown eyes so full of unshed tears seemed to settle on him for a moment cutting through his soul. He had come to close, taken too much of a risk he should had stayed away, away from the Funeral, away from New York, away from Blair, but all there drew him in.

Nate was his best friend in the world one of the few people he cared about more than he cared about himself not that he would ever admit that to anyone. And now he was dead, he looked at the scenes unfolding outside of the church, the colours seemed muted, like he was watching an old home movie, like the ones of he and Nate skating in the park or tearing through the beach in the Hampton's like a pair of Tasmanian devils.

Everything felt muted now he was gone, at first the doctors said he was in shock, he had been through a lot, they had almost pronounced him dead, he was blue, cold, not breathing, they had stopped hoping he would pull through, it was only in the shocked silence following Nate's death that someone heard the faintest heartbeat on his monitor, it was almost as if they were in a tug of war only one of them could survive and fate had decided to take the blonde boy with the bright blue eyes and give the brown eyed boy a second chance at life.

It was nothing new Chuck had always owed Nate his life, not just because he died and chuck had survived, not because Nate had dragged his body onto the rocks before going back into the water to try to rescue the rest of the crew but because in the short 25 years that he was alive Nate showed Chuck how to be a human being. Showed him that perfection was an aspiration not a requirement; that he could love and be loved without condition or compensation.

Chuck knew he shouldn't still be alive not when Nate was dead, he knew that everyone even his own father would have preferred to see Nate walk out of that Hospital, Nate was a perfect husband, son and friend. He would have led a life full of love and devotion. Chuck, despite Nate's best efforts, was still Chuck; he led a life of excess, of desire and temptation. He stood on the outside of his family, of his friends looking in ever unsure whether to take a step into the circle to embrace the love that awaited him or turn his back on it and avoid the rejection that could break his heart.

Now that Nate was dead he didn't have any choice, his family looked at him like he was made of glass, and his dad accommodating his every need apart from his need for a father to comfort him to tell him everything would be alright that it wasn't his fault. Serena his "sister" barely concealed how unjust she felt it that Chuck was alive and Nate dead, she moved into Blair's Apartment almost immediately, and the few times she had come to the family home to visit Lily or Eric, her tear stained eyes just looked straight through him. Everything they had worked on for the past 7 years was erased, he was no longer the brother she could turn to who she loved, and he was Chuck Bass, heinous, evil Chuck bass.

Chuck turned away from the church, no one would notice that he wasn't there; if they did they would probably put it down to his selfishness. Some would think it best that he stay away. That he had caused the Archibalds, Blair Archibald enough pain.

For a moment, on his way from the hospital back to the Bass-Van Der Woodsen suite, he thought that maybe people wouldn't blame him, that a freak storm, that Nate dying trying to save the life of a 50 year old mariner would not have anything to do with him. The moment 

he walked into the room and Serena walked straight out of it he knew it wasn't to be. He had developed a knack of taking the blame for things that he couldn't control very young. He remembered being 4 or 5 his father had just walked out of the house slamming the door behind him he remembered his mother calling him down from his bedroom she was drunk and slurring her words "Chaaaarles, Chaaarles you little troublemaker come down here." She would shriek he would stand in front of her, head bowed looking at the floor and she would tell him all the things he was doing wrong how he was making his father not love them. That if Charles didn't change Bart would leave them both. Sometimes she would punctuate her words with hits from her hand, a belt, a poker whatever was handy.

But since then he had managed to add a fair few things that he was responsible for to the list of things that society blamed him for. A fair few things that even he was ashamed one of them was hurting Blair and ever since he had done it he had promised himself that he would stay away keep his distance.

When Nate told him that they were back together that they were for real, he stepped away from the plate and he and Blair were civil for Nate's sake. For the most part it went back to how it was pre-Victrola on the surface, but as much as they got on for Nate going on group holidays together and hanging out but if you looked into their eyes you would see that part of Blair hated Chuck and part of Chuck would always love Blair.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is not the best chapter in the world but I am very sick and a little tired, desperately need a beta me thinks. This is the last sort of backgroundy chapter so some action and dialogue should be coming up soon.**

**Thanks for reviews and thanks for reading! xPC**

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The three weeks since the funeral had all been a blur, in fact everything since Nate's death had been a blur, a blur of people, the Upper East Sides finest coming to give their condolences, Lawyers coming to read wills and settle estates,

The three weeks since the funeral had all been a blur, in fact everything since Nate's death had been a blur, a blur of people, the Upper East Sides finest coming to give their condolences, Lawyers coming to read wills and settle estates,

Serena was a constant presence effortlessly mimicking a upper east side housewife, her years living in a loft in Brooklyn erased as she organised housekeepers and drivers, opened and responded to mail, basically did anything that Blair couldn't face and for some time that was pretty much everything.

But after 3 weeks, 21 days of staying indoors, of being numb and silent Blair needed out, she needed a release, she needed to be somewhere where she could scream at the top of her lungs and stamp her feet and cry at the injustice of it all, because it was unjust! This was not the fairytale she had signed up for, she signed up to forever, and never thinking that til death do us part would come so soon. She never imagined that her future her dreams would be stolen away by Chuck Bass, that Nate would die rescuing Chuck, the man who stole years from them by playing at being her boyfriend pretending to love her for kicks, the man who almost tore them apart time after time for his own sick reasons.

Blair had hated Chuck for a long time, there had always been a mild dislike and mutual respect between them, then came the whole drama of the infamous limo ride and everything that had followed. But when Chuck turned up in Europe, a couple of days late something had changed he had changed. The game of one-upmanship turned into something else something amazing, he had committed to her, of course she was furious that he was late to meet her but he had won her over and done an amazing impression of someone in love for over 3 years.

With Nate she had always been so calm, collected in control, Chuck brought something out in her, she wasn't afraid of looking ugly, of looking foolish. Her priorities changed her aim in life was not only to have a life that everyone else envied, she wanted to have a life that made her happy and with Chuck she had that.

She had thought that she would marry Chuck, after a lifetime of believing that her destiny was to be Mrs Nathaniel Archibald, she let the idea of being someone else enter her mind. Of course her mother was furious at the thought of it, even Eleanor Waldorf who was barely on the same planet as Blair knew about Chuck's reputation and the reputation of his father. She had gone through so much to secure the name Waldorf she would not let her daughter waste it away on new money.

She remembered the first Christmas they had spent all together they were all in their sophomore years at college. Dan and Serena had gotten engaged over the summer and her mother had allowed her to organise Christmas Dinner, she had invited everyone she loved, the Van Der Woodsens, the Basses and the Waldorfs and the Humphreys.

Chuck had spent the whole night teasing Eleanor about the Waldorf- Bass Dynasty, suggesting that Eleanor design the uniforms for their chambermaids or even the burlesque dancers at the ever growing Victrola nightclubs. Eleanor looked horrified clearly not seeing the humour in Chuck's words and on the way home had given Blair a long talk about leopards changing their spots and the responsibility which comes with a name like Waldorf.

A few days later Eleanor was hosting a New Years Eve Party in their penthouse, Blair had been busy all day helping her mother organise florists and caterers and goodie bags. She knew that it was going to be a difficult day for her mother; she was recently "off again" with her on again off again "friend", and she was looking tired. Blair had never seen her mother look tired before, annoyed yes, disappointed on numerous occasions but never tired. She vowed to make sure that everything went well despite still being a little angry with her mother after their post Christmas "talk".

It was just 10 minutes before the first guests were due to arrive when Blair descended the stairs, she was dressed in a gold vintage Chanel flapper dress, it had taken her weeks to find the right dress something that would make her mother smile and not send her upstairs to change, and something that would make Chuck smile and want to take her upstairs for something entirely different.

She walked into the drawing room for the big reveal and that's where she saw them, Chuck and her mother kissing. His arms around her holding her close yet delicate like he thought she might break, the kiss was almost chaste, but the way he held her belied the meaning. In a moment she hated and envied her mother, she was a throughbred American beauty, sophisticated and proud. He saved his hungry, passionate, bruising kisses for her, the Arabian. In a moment she knew that she would never be enough not in her mothers eyes and now she knew she wouldn't be enough in Chuck's eyes.

As she walked out silently without making a sound, without interrupting their moment, her heart broke wide open. She never told anyone why she had broken up with Chuck that night; why she had rejected his proposal as he drove her past Tiffany's at midnight in his limo. That infamous limo, where it all started and where she ended it with a simple "No".

Nate had once said to her that he was grateful that she and chuck had dated, they had been lying on the beach during their honeymoon and Blair had thought it a completely inappropriate comment and tried to change the subject but he had gone on. He believed that Blair had needed Chuck to break her heart open so that she could really let him in.

She hated Chuck almost always had and always will so she didn't know why she ended up at Victrola….

Downing another Scotch on the Rocks Chuck Bass surveyed his kingdom; he was in Victrola, his Kingdom, his domain, his success. His Father had believed in him and now it was a worldwide success with Victrolas in Tokyo, Miami, London, Beijing, Sydney, and Paris and various other international hotspots, but New York was still his favourite, still felt like home. It was where he had his 18th Birthday, where they had celebrated their high school graduations; it's where he and Nate had repaired their friendship over too much scotch not once but twice, once when he got the girl and once when he gave her back to her rightful keeper. It was where he first saw Blair as anything other than Nate's girlfriend, leaving there Blair had given him the best gift he had ever received, although she might have done it for the wrong reasons it stirred something in him that he had never experienced before. He gave her a gift that he couldn't repay for a long time, not until that first night when he joined her in Tuscany she gave him a piece of her soul.

He could see a couple of girls standing outside of the V.I.P area looking over at him seductively, two blondes, he had a taste for blondes of late he wanted Barbie personified and these girls hit every mark, tall blonde vivacious, not like any of the girls he had grown up with, so obvious so available willing to sell their bodies to him, rent him their souls for one night only, and all for the price of a couple bottles of Cristal and a night in Suite 1812. He remembered what he learnt at Harvard, advertising something for sale is not an offer, it's an invitation to treat, and he felt like a treat, or maybe a trick, he never could decide between those two.

He walked past the velvet rope, stepping amongst the plebeians; the city bankers with 7 figure salaries, the women aged 18 to 48 all trying to look 25 in order to get one of the aforementioned bankers to marry them; the trust fund college kids so familiar to him and yet their unadulterated innocent fun something so forgotten and foreign.

He trained his eyes on the pair of blondes who were at this point both staring at him whilst fondling each other, umm his favourite. He motioned them over towards him and as they moved he saw her. Her long brown hair whipping wildly around her head as she looked around, looked for him. He started to turn but she saw him, and just like at the funeral her gaze burnt into him, he was motionless caught in her stare her brown eyes at the same time completely empty and full of hate.

She marched over to him, pushing the blondes out of the way, she was so tiny but so mighty, she always had been. Chuck didn't know what to expect the first time he saw Blair, he imagined she might walk away, that she wouldn't want to see him, he never thought she would come looking for him, that she would come here, to their spot. He looked at her porcelain features no tear stains on her cheeks, lip gloss applied to perfection in fact she was the image of perfection, and as she squared up to him the hate in her eyes turned to something else, something more familiar and in an instant he knew that Widow Archibald was dead, Blair Waldorf was back and even he was a little scared.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay I am sort of back from hiatus, I had this chapter typed up ages ago but thought that I should wait until it's perfect to post it but I have realised that it will never be perfect. I have lost my love for this fic and have a few works in progress on the back burner. So am going to try to finish this up ASAP and then get on with new shiny projects where I actually like the people in the fic... I think this is OOC and also both parties are very mean but they are grieving... plus I am not very good at dialogue, especially the he said she said malarky, perhaps I should just write in IM speak!**

**Thanks to anyone who has read this or reviewed. - Especially the recent reviews which have inspired me to get off my backside and post instead of reading fanfics all day. :)**

**As always a BETA would be amazing, please email me and let me know if you fancy it, and as always criticism, plot ideas, etc welcome!**

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Blair had never been one for violence, the Upper East Side upbringing had taught her that the word was mightier than the sword at a very tender age and it was a motto she lived by. In the world of scandal and revenge she always knew that she would get more satisfaction from the carefully thought out destruction of her foes than from giving them a black eye. So as she slapped Chuck Bass hard across the face she was more surprised than he was.

"I guess I probably deserved that" he drawled rubbing the red mark fast appearing on his chiselled jaw "but do you want to tell me which of my numerous wrongdoing earnt me that slap"

Her eyes shined in the dimly lit room, a novice might believe them to be brimming with a widows unshed tears, but Chuck saw that any tears unshed were tears of hate not sorry "Nothing specific you just deserve it." She spat her words at him with equal measures of distain and composure.

She is about to slap him again when a pair of strong arms grab her from behind, "I'm sorry Mr Bass, I will get her out of here." In 4 years of working for Chuck Bass Bernie had never let anyone get close enough to hit him, not the many angry boyfriends or psycho bitches but this tiny brunette had slipped him by, she didn't look like the usual sluts that Chuck had associated with whilst he had worked for him and her perfect curls and Haute Couture Adeline Andre had fooled him into thinking that she wasn't a threat.

"Do you mind, do you know who I am" Blair screamed as Bernie lifted her off the ground and started pulling her away from Chuck "get your hands off me".

"I don't know who you are lady but I know who he is and I know it's my job to stop anyone even you from slapping him in his own club" Bernie replied he hated people who thought they were beyond the rules, too rich, too powerful to be constrained by the simple fact that no one touches Chuck Bass on Bernie's watch.

Blair glared at Chuck, she couldn't believe he was letting this happen to her, after everything she had been through in the last few weeks, maybe she shouldn't have slapped him but he knew he deserved it and if he let her be dragged out of his club, their special place she would add it to the ever growing list of thing that she could never forgive him for. "Let her go she's my sisters best friend" he finally stepped in and took Blair from Bernie "do you want to continue this conversation in my office? Probably a little more appropriate" he whispered walking her towards the door to his office

"I've heard that one before!" she scoffed reluctantly allowing herself to be dragged to a place she hadn't been to for years.

Once inside the office Chuck took a seat behind the desk and offered the visitors chair to Blair, from the outside it would look like a business meeting but it was anything other than business. "Blair I know you are grieving, I am too, and I know that you probably blame me." He begun hoping he would be able to talk some sense into her, Blair Waldorf was not the type to go around slapping people in clubs even if it was him "If you need to hurt me then go ahead but I don't want to... I can't hurt you anymore and I think being here is going to hurt you, it's too soon to start going over the whys and wherefores."

"Awww chuckie I am flattered at your thoughtfulness but this is exactly what I need. I have been cooped up in my apartment for 3 weeks like some old widow, watching Audrey Hepburn movies and my wedding video on loop." Her voice was saccharin sweet and she cocked her head to the side in a patronising manner "I need to get out; you know it's pretty lame only having the weather to blame for killing your husband. I need somewhere to direct my anger and that somewhere seems to be you" her voice dripping with what she hoped sounded like hate but chuck recognised as despair by the time she finished speaking.

"If it helps hate me, swear at me, slap me, I deserve it I deserve a lot more." Chuck held his head in his hands, when Nate had come to him and told him that he was in love with Blair again, asked for his blessing to go for it he had put his feelings aside because he knew that as long as he was in her life he would hurt her, and now he had hurt her anyway.

"So you admit it, it's your fault?" she leaned forward challenging him with her words, daring him to admit it.

"I guess it is yeah, if I hadn't insisted on taking him out that weekend he would have been at home, he would be alive now." He shook his head, why was she going over and over this?

"You think that is why I am mad? Because it was your idea to go sailing? Going sailing didn't kill him, rescuing you killed him. He was a good swimmer, the sea practically ran through his veins, you would struggle not him you were probably being dragged down by your scarf." Her brown eyes glowed with accusation "I read the people reports they all say that he would have survived but he went back in to save people, to save you. Maybe if he had left you he would have been ok, if he had thought about us instead of you for one moment for once in his goddamned life it would have been ok, I would have him now, but now he is dead."

"Thought about us?" Chuck searched her face accusingly, she had slipped and he knew it. As the realisation of what her Freudian slip implied dawned on him he felt the colour drain from his face.

"Us, me, his parents, Serena, his friends." Blair covered looking down at the leather topped desk between them, despite herself she felt the corners of her mouth turn up as she remembered how they had celebrated Chuck's 21st birthday, Bart had finally given him full control of Victrola and they had christened that very desk. She shook away the memory and the smile and looked back at him with hard challenging eyes determined that he would not know anything she didn't want him to.

"you forget who you are talking to Waldorf, and I know you Blair you don't think in terms of "us", it's always B versus the world. When you grow up like we did its' me and them it's never us. Who is us?" he softened his voice, attempting to coax the information out of her.

"You don't know anything about me" her eyes flashed with fear as she stood up "for a start it's Archibald."

She started towards the door but before she could turn the handle she felt a strong hand holding her arm and turning her around. "You will always be Blair Waldorf and no matter what you might wish I will always know you." He whispered his face only millimetres away from hers.

"You think you know everything don't you? You think you have me pegged, know me inside and out. There are things about me you will never know, never understand." She turned away from him and rested her forehead against the door. Closing her eyes she tried to block him out, and block out all the emotions he made her feel. She was a widow, her husband barely cold in his grave, she shouldn't be at Chuck Bass' speakeasy; she shouldn't be at their place. So Chuck was to blame, she knew it and that's all that mattered, she shouldn't have gone there to confront him.

"I know that you are full of crap that when given the thing you beg for most you run away screaming." His voice was almost broken as he spoke into the shell of her ear, his words barely above a whisper. She hated that the voice he reserved for his most tender confessions of love was also the voice that he used when speaking words of hate. She had heard both and now as her heart was pounding in her chest she didn't know which she would hear now "That you stick your fingers down your throat whenever the shit hits the fan."

His words spun her around, she had always felt emotional pain physically, when she found out that Nate had slept with Serena she had a liked the pain to a punch in the stomach, when she had caught Chuck kissing her mother a stab, when Nate died she had felt like they had ripped her guts out completely and in a way she welcomed it if it meant no more pain but his words hit her like a bullet. "What about this Chuck, did the all knowing Chuck Bass know that I killed our baby, that when you proposed to me, I was pregnant. That the thought of something created by you growing inside me made my skin crawl, that I was at the clinic before you could even take the ring back and that your best friend and your "sister" were there with me." She said the thing she promised herself that she never would. Serena and Nate had promised never to tell him about their baby and she had promised never to use it against him.

He laughed slow and deep his face again only centimetres apart now that she had turned around "You are lying, Serena would have told me, and Nate would have told me. People don't keep secrets in our group. It's impossible." He smiled before continuing, it couldn't be true. He would have known "If you had been pregnant I would have gotten word on gossip girl before your period was even late. You are not that cold Blair; you just wish you were. I know you Blair, better than anyone always have always will"

"You of all people should know how easy it is to keep a secret." She returned his smile and inside something faltered he wasn't so sure she was lying. "I mean gossip girl never reported that you cheated on me"

"Amelia, you knew about her? When did you know? Did you know all along? Let me guess Serena told you?" he stumbled back to his desk the shock that Blair knew about Amelia was running around his head and his vision was becoming cloudy with the realisation.

If his vision had been clearer he would have seen the look of confusion on her face when he said Amelia's name, confusion followed by hurt and finally hate "Like you said secrets don't work for the non-judging breakfast club" she spat

"Damn Blair, I know revenge is a dish best served cold but not even you could hold out for 3 years? Would you?" he couldn't even look at her, the smile in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. "you knew all along and you played me for 3 years just so you could turn me down in that limo when I offered you ...everything."

"I have to say even I felt a little sorry for you getting down on one knee, moon river playing on the stereo that little blue box. It was all so cute I almost said yes." He made it so easy for her to be cruel, crueller than she had ever been before. The problem was that they did know each other, too well. She knew exactly how to hurt him most. She thought about Amelia, wondering when that had occurred, how many "Amelias" there had been whilst she thought that he was hers. She hated herself for being surprised, this was Chuck Bass; he had kissed her mother, why was she surprised.

In the back of her mind where she stored all her horrible memories she thought that maybe there had been a logical explanation for what she saw that New Year's eve. A game of truth or dare with just two players, a bet, maybe she got it wrong that the kiss was just friendly, it's what she told herself when 3 days after it happened she found her mother collapsed in the kitchen. When your Mom is dying you can find reasons for her kissing your boyfriend if it meant that you could look at her and not hate her again. Cancer of the oesophagus, it almost killed her; the doctors said it would kill her but they didn't know Eleanor Waldorf.

"I never thought I'd say it but Nate is better off dead than married to you" he spat at her, his voice hitching surreptitiously as he tried desperately to contain his emotions and control his rage. "I hope you kept your doctors or should I say butcher's number Blair because that kid you are obvious growing inside that hateful body of yours doesn't deserve to be brought up by an evil dried up bitch like you."

"You don't abort an Archibald; they are not as disposable as a little Basstard." She looked at him, with tears in her eyes. Her heart was wishing that he would see the truth in her lies see that she was trying to hurt him. Desperate that someone would feel even a little of the pain that she was going through.

"Get out Blair before I do something we both regret" he said quietly slowly clenching and unclenching his fists afraid to even look at her for fear of what he might do.

"I'll go Chuck, but don't get too comfortable. And I hope that you have an answer." In a moment she was back to ice queen, the tears that threatened blinked away and replaced with mocking.

"I said get out Blair" he roared not even bothering to ask her what she meant with her obvious baiting.

"When this baby, Nate's child comes to you and asks you why their daddy is dead I hope you have an answer, because I don't mind filling in the blanks." and with that she was out of the door disappeared as quickly as she arrived.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own gossip girl....**

Special thanks to my beta extraordinare ForgetMeNevermore who is awesomeness personified!

Thanks also for the reviews it's good to know someone is reading and hopefully enjoying.

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Serena paced the width of the spacious room for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, the sound of her steps muffled into silence by the thick pile Persian carpet that Blair had insisted on for her living room. No one had carpet in New York, but Blair had insisted on giving it a comeback. Right now, Serena longed to hear her heels clicking against oak or marble, anything she needed to hear some noise to make things feel real. She felt like she was underwater, the silence of the room was deafening, just went she felt like she was about to screamshe was about to scream into the void when she heard the lock in the door turn and the quiet voice of her best friend.

Blair had tried to planned what she was going to say on the way over; had thought about just the right mixture of anger and pain to inject into her voice,how to verbally destroy her best friend and punish her for her betrayal but as she looked into Serena's face – her best friend who looked 10 years older than when she had left that afternoonjust a few weeks ago – her plan disappeared and her voice even sounded broken to own her earsin its place was despair. "Serena." Her voice even sounded broken to own her ears.

Serena told herself she had every right to be angry with Blair; she had left her alone for the first time since Nate had died and she had gone AWOL. Serena had come back from seeing Dan, having spent the entire afternoon explaining to him yet again that their plans to go away together were postponed not cancelled, only to find the apartment empty.

"Blair, where have you been? I've been worried sick. You know you left your phone here; I thought you'd done something stupid!" Serena hated herself at that moment for being angry at her, for treating her like a child. After all, Blair had spent much of their early high school years looking after her, holding back her hair or pulling her off of some drunken frat boy. If she was being honest with herself, it wasn't anger she was feeling, it was guilt. She had felt stifled in the apartment, like death was all around her. Dan calling her for the umpteenth time was just an excuse; she had needed to get out. Seeing her best friend mourn her husband just made her want to see the man she loved, made her want to be with him if only to feel alive again; to remind herself of just what Blair had lost, and what she was so grateful to still have. Dan.

"I went to see Chuck." Blair's voice wasn't so broken now as she strolled past Serena and into the living room, kicking off her shoes. Her eyes fell upon the picture on the mantelpiece; a photo of her, Nate, Chuck and Serena from their childhood. She trailed her fingers along its frame, "the non-judging breakfast club." It was taken when they were in 5th grade, innocence radiating from faces so naive and ill-equipped for the challenges that life was going to throw at them, or for the way that their little group would repeatedly tear itself apart from the inside out.

"You did do something stupid," Serena confirmed her earlier suspicions, shaking her head at her friend. She didn't know why her best friend and her step brother never seemed able to stay away from each other. She thought back to just before the picture on the mantel was taken; both Blair and Chuck had succumbed to a late bout of the chicken pox. Serena and Nate had both been infected in their infancy, but Blair had been so over-protected by her parents, and Chuck so isolated, that neither of them had been exposed. But by the start of the 5th grade, they were both covered head-to-toe in pox; both of them scratching like hellcats no matter how many pairs of mittens Dorota put over their hands or how much calamine lotion they were bathed in. Eventually spurred on by both Eleanor and Misty's insistence that neither of their children turn into pock-marked pariahs, Dorota had taken to tying their hands together. This slowed them down slightly, but eventually they worked out that they could still scratch each other. Chuck had come away pretty unscathed, but Blair still had a few marks at the nape of her neck. They had never been able to leave each other alone after that, whether it was back scratching or backstabbing.

Blair turned to face her then, but before Serena could interject, she spoke. "He told me about Amelia. He thought I knew, he thought that my best friend would have told me." Serena knew she should have been prepared for the bombshell as soon as Blair turned to look at her; she had put on her ice queen face, a look that Serena hadn't seen since the night Blair had strolled into her apartment and told her that Chuck had proposed, and that she had turned him down and broken up with him. It was her war mask, her protective shield against the nasty things in life that dared to make her feel. "You should have told me."

"Blair, it was years ago, it doesn't matter." Serena wished Blair's voice had sounded angry, that such a raw emotion was possible in such a situation, but she hadn't sounded mad; she sounded betrayed. It was going to happen eventually, but she had hoped that the end of their relationship had meant the end of worrying about Blair ever finding out about the other woman and ever finding out that Serena had known all along.

"I don't mean now Serena, I mean you should have told me then." Blair almost laughed at the thought; how could Serena not understand? "When I came back from Italy with Chuck you should have told me, you let me walk around like an idiot for 3 years thinking that he had changed, when you knew what he had done! Everyone must have been laughing at me, _'poor deluded Blair Waldorf, actually thinks she can change Chuck Bass'_." She did laugh as she spoke his name; tipping her head back in an attempt to hold back the tears, a small bitter chuckle tripping from her lips.

"No one knew only me and Nate. I thought that Chuck had told you, I thought you had forgiven him. By the time I realised that he hadn't, you were happy, happier than I'd ever seen you. I didn't want to ruin that, not for one stupid mistake that didn't mean anything." She walked over to Blair then, reaching her arms out and holding the smaller girl against her.

"One stupid mistake?" Blair pushed Serena away incredulously. "What does that even mean? There is no such thing as a mistake. It always means something, Serena, and it always has consequences! You and Nate at the Sheppard wedding was one stupid mistake, Chuck and I in the back of his limo was one stupid mistake. When you and Dan got together again 2 years ago it was supposed to be one stupid mistake."

"Blair, I'm so sorry, I did what I thought was best. I hated lying to you, but I didn't want to be the one that brought your world crashing down around you." Serena pulled Blair back to her, hoping that she could convince her that her words were true.

"But don't you understand, S; if we were worth saving, we would have survived it," Blair said, looking up at her best friend with tear-filled big brown eyes. "You talk about me living my life like a movie, but you are just as bad, you let me live a lie. It was all a lie, everything. I shouldn't have expected much from Chuck; after all, he kissed my mother while we were dating. But I thought we were sisters."

"We _are_ sisters, B," Serena cooed, as she gently stroked Blair's chestnut curls.

"No, you are his sister, not mine. You can't be both." She hated saying it, but she knew that eventually they would have this conversation; that her bitterness over Serena not disowning Chuck the minute he hurt her, and Serena's unvoiced anger at her breaking her brother's heart, would eventually come between them.

She wanted Serena to leave at that moment, she wanted to be truly alone, wanted nothing to feel grateful for, no one to cheer her up or help her count her blessings. Blair pulled away from the blonde again and stalked off towards her bedroom. She turned just before she got to her room and stuck the final dagger in wishing to shut her friend out completely. "Go and look after your murderous brother or your charity case boyfriend, I don't need you."

"Don't do this Blair." Serena shouted, hurrying off after Blair across the apartment.

"Do what Serena?" Blair asked discarding her dress and, for the first time in a month, dressing in her own nightwear instead of one of Nate's Dartmouth sweaters.

"I'm sorry Blair, for everything, but whereas you don't need me, I do need you." Serena walked further into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed beside her. "Don't push me away, not now. We need each other now more than ever; don't push me away over a mistake I made so long ago."

"Mistake so far in my past I can hardly remember..." Blair murmured.

"B?"

"It's nothing, just remembering something from another time, another life. I'm sorry I blamed you, I was hurt." The apology was not easy to say, they never were. But Blair Archibald was better at giving them than Blair Waldorf had ever been. "I don't care about what or who Chuck does; I just hate the thought that he fooled me."

"Blair, what you said about Chuck and Eleanor... are you sure? I mean, I'm not sure Chuck would do something like that; he doesn't even like your mom, and Eleanor always hated that her daughter was with a Bass," Serena reasoned, still shocked by the idea that this was the cause of all the pain that Blair and Chuck had gone through.

"I saw it myself S, I walked in on them kissing. He kissed her the day he proposed to me. Maybe she turned him down and he decided to settle."

"B!" Serena hated to see her best friend's self depreciating side rearing its ugly head again. Despite the obvious errors in Blair's assessment of herself, the voice in her head was the same belittling commentator that Serena had come across years before, when Blair would try to convince herself that she was fat, unworthy, and ugly. "Chuck loved you, he still does. I knew there had to be a reason for why you turned him down that night, but I just can't believe that Chuck would kiss your mom."

"Well he did," she stated simply, leaving no room for argument. "It doesn't matter though, because it was 5 years ago. Chuck and I are ancient history, he did me a favour. I mean, if he hadn't of done that, I wouldn't have gotten back together with Nate." Blair tried to act unaffected by the situation, despite the renewed tears rolling down her face, proving her words to be a blatant lie. But this was Blair's only means of defence, to bury everything that hurt and spin doctor the rest. Loss became opportunity, pain was a lesson learned.

"Don't cry, B".

"I just miss him, that's all. Not just now, but every time I think about the future, think about my life without him, it just doesn't make sense. Nate was my friend, the only person who didn't try to make everything into a game or competition. Neither of us were trying to outdo the other, we were a team. We were supposed to grow old together; I was supposed to get my fairytale ending. I can't do it S, not by myself. I can't have this baby without Nate." Blair held onto Serena and sobbed, letting the tears wrack freely from her tiny body.

"Oh B, I know you are scared, but you can do this. You more than anyone else in the world. You were made to be a mommy." Serena couldn't help but smile thinking back to elementary school, when Blair would force them all to play house. Serena would, inevitably, be the baby, while Nate and Blair played the parents. And Chuck, more often than not, would have to be the dog if he wanted to play. Blair had been the mother of the group not only then, but for their whole lives; lecturing Serena on underage drinking as she washed the vomit out of her hair, and convincing Nate to go to college, because the opportunity to sail around the world would still be waiting for him after he got his degree. And for years, she was the only person that cared for Chuck, giving him the affection and unwavering love he had never had at home.

"He said that I don't deserve the baby, that Nate was better off dead than married to me. It's not true, is it Serena?" Her voice came out broken and tired.

"Of course it's not true, go to sleep B. It will be better in the morning," she soothed, every part of her praying that it would be.

"Will you stay in here with me S?" Blair held onto her friend's hand tightly, almost scared to let it go, fearful that without Serena there, the demons inside her mind would become louder and more insistent that she was all the things she never wanted to be. She couldn't let them beat her again.

"Are you sure?" Blair had barely let anyone into her bedroom since the accident, she hadn't even allowed Nate's pillowcases to be changed, or anything on his side to be moved. Blair insisted on dusting the surfaces on his side of the room herself, and at night, Serena had often caught her friend cradling his pill ow in her arms.

"Yes I'm sure," she replied, giving Serena her own pillow, before carefully lifting Nate's from his side of the bed and tucking it under her own head.

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_Oooooo i only say it cos i care,  
So please can you stop pulling my hair.  
Now, now there's no need to swear,  
Please don't despair my dear mon frere._

The sound of Lily Allen's Alfie cut through Serena's slumber, long after Blair had worn herself out crying and had fallen into a deep slumber. Serena smiled sleepily at the sound of the ring tone, remembering Blair programming the song, about a sister telling her brother to stop his debaucherous lifestyle, into her phone. She hadn't had the heart to change the tone; it was a memory of better times, times she wished she could have back, where she wasn't in-between her brother and her best friend keeping secrets and telling lies.

Blair started to stir, and she quickly flipped open her phone, despite the anger she felt towards him at the moment. "Chuck, what the hell are you doing calling me? It is 4 in the morning," Serena whispered into the phone.

"I'm outside and Blair's doorman won't let me in," he slurred.

"Thank god, I just got Blair to sleep after what you said to her," she practically hissed into the phone, trying to keep her voice low enough so as not to wake Blair. "Really Chuck! Telling her that Nate was better off dead than married to her? Telling her that she didn't deserve her baby? How could you do that? It's sick."

"Sick, Serena? You don't know the meaning of the word!" he shouted in response, and for a moment, Serena was worried that his voice coming through the earpiece would wake Blair. "She killed my baby, killed it because I'm not good enough! My baby wasn't good enough and now she comes to my bar and flaunts his baby, the fucking golden child."

"You are drunk, Chuck." Serena climbed out of the bed and walked into the hallway, closing the door softly behind her before continuing across the apartment. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"She had an abortion Serena, don't pretend you didn't know. Don't pretend you and my so-called best friend weren't there with her!" He was shouting now and despite her protests, Serena was and always would be an Upper East Sider, and there was no way that Blair would appreciate her dirty laundry being aired in front of her doorman and half of Manhattan. "But I am not surprised Nate was there. I guess he just wanted to make sure that any trace of me was gone before he jumped into my shoes and stole my life. "

"That is not how it was, Chuck. I will be down in 1 minute, wait in the limo." Her heart was almost breaking when she heard the hurt in her brother's voice, hurt that she had tried to save him from for years. She had hoped that given time what had happened would cease to matter even if he did find out eventually that he wouldn't care. She realised that she had been naïve; she had tried to keep secrets in order to save those she loved from pain, but she had just been storing up trouble for herself in doing so.

She made her way out of the building and went for Chuck's limo, opening the door and climbing inside, where she found herself faced with Chuck's almost instantaneous onslaught. "So how was it then, sis? Because Blair painted a pretty vivid picture."

"After you two broke up, and you went to god knows where, she was a wreck. She didn't eat or sleep for days and then she found out about Eleanor's cancer and…god, I have never seen her like that. Whatever food I could get her to eat she would purge..."

"What's new?" he interrupted, unconcerned about whatever self-inflicted pain Blair had brought upon herself. In the first few drunken days after he had left New York, during the brief moments when he wasn't losing himself inside a beautiful blonde or redhead, he would let himself think that when Blair had found out that her mother was dying she would suffer, and it made him smile. When he had eventually returned and seen the shell of a woman that Eleanor had become, the chemotherapy eradicating not only the cancerous cells but the very essence of her, he hated himself and decided to stop wishing Blair the worst.

"Chuck, this was different. She was killing herself; her body couldn't support her and the baby."

"So she got rid of it," he smirked and lifted his glass of scotch in a silent toast to Blair Waldorf – always looking out for herself.

"Don't you dare Chuck, you weren't there, you didn't see it." Serena poked him in the chest, her eyes ablaze, so angry with him for hurting Blair, for not being there, for everything. "She loved that baby. When she found out she was pregnant, she stopped purging. Her heart was broken but she was determined to look after herself, Eleanor and the baby."

"So what happened Serena?" his voice was softer, he was shocked by her confession. He had taken it at face value that Blair had had an abortion, for just the reasons she had told him. It was the done thing; girls in their circle didn't become single mothers, they got married or made a trip to a "health farm." He had even paid for a couple of trips to particularly discreet "health farms" himself, not that he had actually believed that he had gotten the girls pregnant – he took care of his business, as he had told Serena all those years ago – but he had always figured a few thousand dollars towards getting rid of some sucker's spawn was better than having some stripper turn up with an actual kid, no matter how ridiculous her claim. It hadn't bothered him until he had believed himself to be the sucker.

"She was about 5 months along; she had just had her ultrasound and found out the sex, she was so excited. You know Blair, she had made it all into a movie in her head; the feisty and beautiful single mother overcomes adversity to raise child genius/model." Serena smiled morosely at the memory of how happy Blair had been, it had been a shock, but somehow it made sense that her mother's battle for life had taught her to value the blessings she had be given. "She had planned everything, made it all work; she arranged to suspend her studies at Yale for a semester, got an apartment, even persuaded her mom to have Dorota move to New Haven and look after the baby when she went back to school. It was going to be perfect, but then one weekend while Nate and I were there, we were halfway through painting the nursery when she went into labour early, too early. The baby couldn't have survived. Blair almost didn't."

"She didn't have an abortion?"

"No, of course she didn't. It was your's and she cried for that baby every day for a year." Tears stung her eyes as she remembered months and months of Blair crying herself to sleep every night, blaming herself. "The only person, the only thing that could make her smile was Nate. She never wanted to fall for him, but they fell together, and he made her happy."

"You should have told me, she was having my child for god's sake." He wiped roughly at his eyes with the sleeve of his dress shirt, determined not to show his emotions.

"I tried, we all tried. Blair even went to Bart, told him about the baby and begged him to contact you, but you were gone from the face of the planet. The baby was gone, it was best if you didn't know."

"Why?"

"Because what you don't know doesn't hurt you? Honestly, I don't know." Serena hated seeing him like this. Hated having to explain a decision she had never agreed with; a decision cooked up between a duo of neglectful parents whilst Blair was too distraught to argue. Eleanor was afraid that if he found out he might come back, and Bart was afraid that he never would. "No one wanted you to have to go through it, too. There was nothing you could do. Losing the baby almost killed her in more ways than one, Chuck."

He was crushed and broken; in some ways he always had been. Life had taken him full circle. Well, less like a circle and more like a mountain range; every time he climbed high enough to reach for the stars he fell into a valley even deeper than the first. He had thought that the lows of losing Blair, of seeing her marry his best friend, that best friend dying were his lowest points. But thinking of Blair being in pain weeping over their baby, over their "what might have been," suffering while he was inaccessible in his hedonistic abyss was killing him. "I just don't understand why she did it to herself. She told me she knew about Amelia, that she planned the whole thing to hurt me, why did she purge? Why was she so upset, she broke up with me."

"Amelia, she didn't know anything about Amelia until tonight," Serena looked at him wide eyed, she had assumed that he had known why, all this time that Blair had given him a reason even if she hadn't shared it with her friends, given him a chance to explain himself to redeem himself. He hadn't know, what she saw what she thought, as far as he knew she had broken his heart for no reason and suddenly Serena understood why Chuck had fallen off the face of the planet for 18 months. She wanted to explain to him, to give him an explanation for his pain apart from that it was all he deserved but she knew it wasn't her place "You need to talk to Blair."


	6. Chapter 6

Ok So I have no Beta... again, and I am trying to get this fic finished shortly. I hope you forgive any terribleness and accept it as a reaction to recent episodes which have personified terrible!

I OWN NOTHING BECAUSE IF I DID 2x19 and 2x20 wouldn't have happened.

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Chapter 6

It had taken Chuck Bass a week to make the trip; after Serena had told him to seek out the truth about what had happened he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He didn't want to have this conversation at her martial home and the only place left in New York that was truly his was Victrola which seemed wrong so he found her at her office, neutral ground he supposed.

According to Serena, Blair had been pulling 12 hour days at her event planning business since the night she had gone to Victrola. "Bespoke Buzz" was the business she begun during the summer of her sophomore year at Yale, the summer when she had unbeknownst to him lost his baby. By the time he had returned to the states the following year the company was a massive success.

When they had all graduated Blair had moved the business to Manhattan and her first event in the city was her engagement party to Nate, her last event at Anne's insistence was her wedding to Nate, Society wives did not run around New York at all times of day and night planning events no matter how successful they were or how much they enjoyed it, so she poached the best staff from her competitors and became a figurehead for the first time in her life. A true Queen, only used for signing cheques and approving budgets whilst the worker bees did the real work.

She was sat behind her desk, glasses on and a pencil stuck in her hair. When she had confronted him a week ago in his office, he had sat behind his desk in an attempt to maintain some control of the situation, maintain his domain; the symmetry of the situation did not escape him, so much for neutral ground.

She reminded him of Yale Blair, when he would come to New Haven to visit her he used to sneak up behind her, she would be too distracted reading through her textbook for the 4th time or making notes whilst biting her pencil to notice him until his lips were kissing her neck or suckling her ear lobe, she would make jokes about him being wasted as anything other than a CIA agent or pout until he produced a gift from his overnight bag to help her over the shock.

"What are you doing here Chuck?" she snapped barely bothering to look up as if he were an employee asking for vacation time and he wondered fleetingly if she had always been able to tell he was there.

"You lied to me Blair?" his voice came out croaky and coarse so unlike the mellifluous drawl he usually used.

"For someone who seems to be the resident Upper East Side secret keeper Serena has suddenly developed a rather large mouth." she slipped her glasses off her face and gently massaged the bridge of her nose, trying to prepare herself for a conversation that she would have avoided forever given the chance.

He almost felt sorry for her, it was clear she was tired. 12 hour days were heavy regardless coupled with an early pregnancy and mourning your husband he was surprised she could keep her eye open. But as sorry as he felt he was there for a reason he needed, he deserved to hear the truth. "Do you have any idea what it did to me thinking you killed our baby?" he asked not even bothering to hide the confession of emotional weakness embedded in his statement.

"Oh I'm sure that your week of torment hurt as much as it hurt me to lose him" she joked bitterly finally standing up behind her desk so she was eye level with Chuck, throwing him a look that both ridiculed his emotion and demanded his departure.

"I know you are hurting over Nathaniel, so am I Blair, he was my best friend!" he broke eye contact with her looking down at his feet, ever channelling the naughty schoolboy. A month had past and talking about Nathaniel in the past tense was not any easier.

"I wasn't talking about Nate"; she interrupted harshly her façade dropping for a second as pain flashed through her sepia coloured eyes before she dropped them to her desktop and began putting her pencils into pots, her shaky hands the only evidence of the emotions she was trying so hard to contain. "I was talking about my son, my baby. It was a boy, not sure if that matters; I went into early labour covered in blue paint. I wanted to hurt you when I told you I aborted him I wanted you to hurt like you hurt everyone around you. You weren't supposed to ever find about the baby not ever."

"That wasn't your decision to make Blair" he bit out his eyes angrily trying to search out hers but she refused to look at him and he felt his blood boil.

"Yes it was" she placed the last file from on top of her desk into her drawer and turned the key in the lock slowly as she spoke to him, her eyes still not brave enough to look into his, not scared of the anger or pain she might see but scared that her own resentment might cause her to explode. She had spent her life hating Chuck Bass, whether it was leading her boyfriend astray, deflowering her or breaking her heart she had always had a reason to think him heinous or hateful. She could handle hating him for childhood errors or just being Chuck Bass, she could even handle hating him for Nate's death because ultimately she knew that it wasn't his fault, she never wanted to hate him for this, for the baby so she pretended it never happened, she painted over the nursery turned it into an office and started her events planning business from it.

She threw herself into looking after her "new baby" she spent her days studying and her nights developing "Bespoke Buzz", within a year her company had become one of the hottest and most exclusive event management firms in New Haven, she had offices and staff and when Nate had moved in she didn't even have time to think of the baby or Chuck. She never thought about the whys or what ifs and resolved that she wouldn't let herself spend any more of her life crying for him, for them both.

"When you dropped off the planet, when I couldn't contact you for months that made it my decision. He was mine Chuck not ours mine, I loved him and I lost him I grieved whilst you partied in wherever it was you were."

"He was ours. My son Blair, you were carrying my child do you have any idea what that means?" she finally looked at him and in an instant he wished she hadn't, she looked like she had been slapped, pain evident on her face as she subconsciously clutched at her stomach at the slowly refilling hole that she had been living with for 5 years.

"It means nothing, it doesn't matter not now and I am not going to stand here and listen to you talk about a bunch of cells like it was a real baby like you have any idea what I went through." she shouted her resolve to remain calm breaking.

"I'm sorry Blair, I'm sorry for not being there and I'm sorry for whatever I did that broke your heart that broke you"

"God you are an arrogant Basstard aren't you? You didn't force me to purge, I did it myself! Bulimia 101 it's about control! I know that it will never be just once more and I do it anyway. I did it, I purged, I wrecked my body, I wasn't lying I killed your baby just not the way you thought." She turned to look at him her face set hard she had to be strong, even if it meant cutting herself open up so he could see her insides, the ugly truth that he so desperately wanted. She would do it and she would survive it she had to be strong this time, for her baby. "There's the truth! Why are you here Chuck, Serena told you everything already. Do you want a recap of what you missed? Do you want to know the names I was considering?"

He turned his face away from her question the brutality and rawness of her words too much for him to deal with after a lifetime of sugar-coating and PR spin. No one on the Upper East Side talked about feelings or pain; they didn't talk about the things they were guilty about or the things that filled them with regret. If you asked his father it was the sign that he was still not grown up, his inability to deal with things, they way he would just flee the country when things didn't go his way. Whatever it was it worked a few weeks or months away and the scandal was replaced by another upper echelon affair some corporate husband would get the 16 year old babysitter pregnant and no one would ask you how you felt about your best friend marrying the love of your life. So when it got a little too real he did the conversational equivalent of running away, he changed the subject. "You lied about Amelia, you didn't know about her until I mentioned her. Serena suggested I come find out the truth."

"My my Serena really has been busy. You didn't lie though did you Chuck? We destroy each other, we always have, I guess we always will, and I don't know what's worse, me using lies to chip away at your weak spots or you using the truth to chip away at mine." she sat back down on her plush leather chair, it was an exact replica of the one that her father had had in his New York office but upholstered in pink calf leather, a childhood dream that she hadn't been willing to let go of or alter like she had the rest.

"It's not the truth Blair"

"Chuck you don't lie, don't start now. Frankly its beneath you, stick to omission, twist the truth maybe even exaggerate but you don't lie so when you tell me that my husband and my baby would be better off dead than living with me, some part of you must mean it." they say that when people have a conversation whilst one is standing and the other is sitting there is an imbalance of power that the person standing will be looking down on the sitter and control the conversation but as Chuck stood in front of Blair her eyes set to challenge mode he felt like a school boy in front of the headmistress or worse like himself stood in front of his father, the only person he had disappointed more in his life than he had disappointed Blair, the man who knew about his child but didn't feel that he was worthy of being told about it.

"I was angry, I was hurting and I knew what to say to hurt you, I always know what to say to hurt you"

"This isn't you comparing me to a horse Chuck" Blair stood up and scoffed rolling her tear filled eyes "I know not much is sacred but Nate! My baby! What you said it's unforgivable."

"What about what you said Blair," he eyed her angrily as the memory of her words refreshed in his mind "you made me believe that you hated me so much, that I was so inferior to you that you killed our baby."

"I don't know the rules of this game Chuck" she challenged "does a dead husband and a live baby trump a dead baby or the other way round. I don't know but I know that I am the one who keeps losing, I lost my baby, I lost my husband.... I lost you."

"You didn't want me."

She walked around the desk to face him "Chuck you cheated on me, and I don't mean whatever you did with that slut Amelia or any of the others"

"There were no others Amelia was a mistake" he held her hands as he spoke looking into her eyes hoping that she would see the truth

For a moment she believed him, she saw the truth in his eyes and it made her want to throw herself into his arms and throw up all at the same time because it showed her how easily he could lie to her. "I saw you Chuck, you were kissing my Mom"

His face showed more emotion in that second than his father's had in 20 years, confusion, anger, disbelief, shock, realisation and regret. "Eleanor had just found out she had cancer, her boy toy had left her after finding fistfuls of hair in the en suite, she thought she was dying. She broke down in front of me, me of all people, the new money Lothario." he explained releasing one of her hands so he could stroke her face reassuringly "She thought that she would die alone and unloved and when I looked at her I saw you, that same vulnerability hiding behind this broken down wall of Waldorf formality and grace. I wanted to stop her pain to save her, for you, and back then I didn't know any other way." he shook his head as he looked at her. He couldn't believe that she had known, and that after all this time he hadn't put the dots together. "Did you honestly think I was cheating on you with Mother, is that really what you thought of me, of us?"

"You can't say this not now" it was her turn to shake her head now as she begged him to take his words back. "I thought there could be an explanation; I waited all night for you to explain yourself, for you to tell me what had happened to be honest with me like you always promised you would be."

"I knew from the moment that I touched her lips it was a mistake, I wanted to tell you but I was scared. I was scared that if I told you, you would see." he turned his face away looking down at his feet

She lifted his face to hers with a softness she didn't think was still possible between them "See what?"

"Me" he breathed out ruggedly "that hadn't changed into your Prince Charming, that I was still Chuck Bass fuck up! Did you really think I was going to tell you, risk losing the only thing I have ever cared about?"

"Yes and when you didn't I wanted to die! I loved you Chuck. You should have told me, you should have fought for me, made me forgive you; I would have forgiven you, for my mom, for Amelia for everything we would have had a chance we could have been a family." her voice broke on the word that meant so much to both of them. "But you did what you always do you ran and even if I wanted to tell you about him, about our son, you cut me out of your life, when you came back it was too late he was gone and Nate …Nate was there."

"I didn't know that you tried to find me, when I came back you were in love with Nate and you hated me."

"I hated myself" she admitted

"I never wanted to be in this position, you know as well as I do what growing up with a bitter single parent is like" she laughed a little thinking about it "look at my role models. I could close off completely like Bart, treat this baby like it's a burden and a disappointment. Eleanor is pretty much the same with a healthy dose of unachievable expectations or should I go for the Lily Van Der Woodsen approach of not bothering to raise this kid just looking for the next billionaire and who likes my kid… but not too much. This isn't what I wanted."

"You will be a great mother; I shouldn't have said what I said"

"I couldn't even look after our baby when it was still inside me! How can I look after this one if it makes it out?" she asked him

"You are Blair Waldorf, you are not Lily or Bart or your mom."

"I'm Blair Archibald, pregnant widow." she corrected him again "All alone, with nothing to comfort me apart from the memory of a husband who probably never even loved me."

"He loved you Blair, trust me. I would never have …" he faltered wondering if he should tell her the truth he had hidden for so long "I would never have stepped aside if I didn't believe he loved you, I came home for you, to get you back I would never have stopped fighting for you if I didn't believe that you loved each other and that you would be happier with him."

"I loved Nate with everything I had left to give," she admitted almost as afraid to admit her truth as he had been his, she didn't know how he would react. "But not like I loved you."

"I'm not Nathaniel" he held her face in his hands as he repeated the words which had become somewhat of a mantra during their relationship

"I know" she whispered the words, her usual response, and in an instant she was home. 5 years gone in 5 words.

"I can't be your hero" it wasn't part of their usual routine and for a second her heart stopped beating in her chest.

"I know you Chuck" she closed her eyes and leaned her forehead onto his; it was the closest they had been for years.

"Your prince complained for 10 years that you were too needy, too dependent, that there was this duty to be with you he couldn't cope with. But what he couldn't cope with was that you didn't need him, you weren't the broken party girl like Serena or the poor girl from Brooklyn, you never needed him you just wanted him. When you became the broken ex-girlfriend of his best friend that's when he felt duty, that is when you needed him and that is when he stepped up to the plate and played the Prince Charming role he has been in rehearsals for his entire life." he leaned his face closer to her the softness of his breath on her lips as he spoke almost let her miss the meaning behind his words. "I'm not your Prince Charming I'm not going to be with you just because you are the broken widow of my best friend and you need me."

"Nate isn't even cold in his grave; I refuse to have this conversation. I don't want you to be with me" she pushed him away harshly shock evident on her face and walked toward the door eager to escape the room his harsh words reminding her how easily he could knock down her house of cards.

"No but you need me, the only other man who came close just died" he held her elbows pulling her body to his, her back almost moulding to his front they were so close. He slid his fingers down her arms held her hands; he could smell her shampoo as he buried his face in her hair. He was 18 again; they had been together a few months and were fighting about who would say they loved the other first, on a rooftop in Brooklyn of all places, in the end she had walked away and as he pulled her back and sniffed her hair he became sure of one fact, that he would love her forever.

"That's enough, you disgust me Chuck" she slurred; her mind already intoxicated by his proximity.

"Then why are you still holding my hand?" he whispered into the shell of her ear pulling her even closer "I know you need me Blair, but I need 3 words eight letters."

At that point she thought she would say anything, to have him near, keep him near, to keep pretending for a few more moments "I love you"

"that's not enough, I know you love me I want you to want me, I don't want to be there because you need me and you love me, we've always loved each other even before we knew what love was. I want it to be your choice, I want to be your choice, Blair." he turned her around to face him, no desk between them eye to eye both putting themselves on the line.

Her doe eyes looked up at him, still glossy though the threat of tears had long since past. She hated that after all this time he still knew her, he knew what she needed and what she could never admit. She hated that he was here in front of her demanding something that she couldn't give him, she didn't know if he was far too early or far too late but she couldn't say it not then and maybe not ever nor could she tie him to a life of being on and off for the foreseeable future with his best friend's pregnant widow. He deserved a proper family and so did her baby. "Chuck Bass I will never choose you"

"Well that's too bad. I've agreed to set up my father's new venture in Mongolia; I'm leaving tomorrow Blair, I'll be gone for 5 months. Call me if you change your mind or if the baby needs anything." and with those parting words he turned and walked out of her office.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**5 months later**

She was standing by the window when he walked in, one hand absentmindedly rubbing her bump in the way that all pregnant women seem to do instinctively as the other placed a bubble-wrapped vase into a box labelled 'Junk Anne gave us that needs to be lost in transit'. He had never seen her look so beautiful, standing against the backdrop of the skyline he had missed every night he was away, bathed in the April sun, her stomach round and full she was proof that pregnant women really did glow.

"Going somewhere?" he asked stepping further into the room and startling her slightly.

She looked up at him and smiled as if the last 5 months hadn't happened as if the last 5 years hadn't happened. She packed the last item from the windowsill into the box and spoke to him with an easiness he had thought they'd lost 10 years ago when she slid over to his side of the limo and thanked him for a lift home. "I found a pretentious young couple to rent the apartment. a pair of lawyers from Boston or somewhere equally clichéd, they are in love with each other and the apartment, it's almost enough to restart my morning sickness." She rolled her eyes and threw him a shy smile "but they want the lifestyle and I don't want to bring my baby home to a place that doesn't even have stairs."

"You love this apartment" and she did, Bespoke Buzz had been employed to put on the launch party for the development she had used her fee to put down a deposit on the penthouse she hadn't even told Nate about it until after she had signed contracts. Blair might have found it but defying all exceptions, Nate had developed a passion for interior decor he had worked with the developer to make the apartment as bespoke as the buzz Blair had created. and it didn't stop there he smiled as he looked across at the extra shelves that Nate had broken him thumb putting up when Blair refused to house his lacrosse trophies in the antique French dresser her father had sent them as a moving in present.

"I loved it, but I need to make some new memories." she mused following his eyes then running her finger along Nate's now empty shelves with a wistful look in her eyes. "With everything that has happened with Howie in the last 6 months I just really want to make a fresh start and thanks to your dad's lawyer and the courts of New York I can afford a beautiful brownstone facing the park. I might even get a white picket fence put up around it. it's time to start living again."

Howard Archibald had rejoiced when just before his death Nate's grandfather proud at having seen his favourite grandson marry his favourite young lady had changed his will to make Nate his major beneficiary. His joy ended almost immediately after his son's will reading, despite his son allowing him to manage the family money during his life, after his death the money and everything that went along with it was passed on to Blair, no caveats, no trusts, no executors or guardians, the entire Vanderbilt fortune passed on to a woman he couldn't control. He had contested the will, and kept Blair in court and red tape for the best part of her pregnancy, she had been hours away from signing it all over to Howie in exchange for a quiet life when Bart Bass had arrived with his team of lawyers and brought it all to an end in a matter of weeks.

She didn't know if it was because of the brief accord they once shared when they were both desperately seeking Chuck all those years ago, some sense of referred duty to either his son's ex girlfriend or his step-daughters best friend or it was just that he knew Serena wouldn't leave for her trip whilst her best friend was still dealing with legal battles, whatever it was she was grateful.

"Yeah it is," he admitted sadly. When he had heard about her legal battles all he wanted to do was jump on a plane and come back to support her, but he couldn't, not yet, back then her making the first move was the most important thing in the world. he had spent so much of the last ten years working out how to be in love with Blair that he forgot how to be her friend.

"When did you get back?" she asked walking away from the boxes and leading him towards the still completely unpacked living room

"Last night you are my first visit," he confessed, in truth he hadn't even seen his father or family. When he decided to come home to have this conversation with Blair he approached it as single-mindedly as he approached his failed attempts at not being in love with her.

"I'm honoured"

"You didn't call" he said though he never expected her to.

"Neither did you" she replied though she never thought he would. "I'm sorry

"for not calling?"

"For the last 10 years" she admitted. She had never said it not to Serena, not even Nate and definitely not to Chuck, she wasn't sure that she ever really admitted it to herself, that she was sorry. Sorry, for the damage she did to his friendship with his best friend, for believing that the only way to heal her pain was to make sure she wasn't the only one hurting.

"Try the last 20 don't you remember putting gum in my hair in elementary school, my hair hasn't been able to hold a curl since Bart had to have it shaved" he joked

"I'm serious I didn't know how to protect myself without hurting you"

"None of us do" he sighed looking into her eyes

"Maybe Serena will learn the lesson in the dark heart of Africa and bring it back to the Upper East Side," she said

"You look amazing," he acknowledged

"I look like a whale but thank you" she answered rubbing her bump nurturingly "thank god I only have another month of this."

"You're beautiful; there is nothing more beautiful than a new life being created" he professed his face serious

"What did they feed you in Mongolia, have you been having happy pills in your Yaks milk?" she questioned looking at him strangely

"I guess I did a little growing up."

"Lucky you I just seem to be growing sideways" she complained scrunching her face up in disapproval.

"May I?"

"You may as well; I have everyone from little old ladies in Macys to doormen thinking they can cop a feel just because I am gargantuan" she declared dramatically as she grabbed his hand and placed it on the curve of her stomach where the baby was currently kicking up a storm

"Whoa" he almost shouted pulling his hand back from the strong flutters he could feel through her skin before putting it back more carefully "what is that?"

"It's my eggs Benedict!" she joked "That is the baby you numbskull, looks like you have a fan, I haven't felt it kicking up such a storm since Serena went away."

"Well I am glad the baby likes me because I plan to be around" he removed his hand from her stomach and immediately she felt the loss of his warmth. "It's my turn to be serious Blair, you know how I feel about you and I want to be there for him or her, I want to be able to read bedtime stories and buy ponies and do all the things that I know he would have."

"Chuck I know that it wasn't your fault, Nate's death was an accident, a terrible terrible accident. This baby isn't your responsibility Chuck, you have nothing to make amends for, no penance to pay."

"This isn't about me feeling guilty; it's the right thing to do."

She almost scoffed at this words, never in his life had chuck bass done something because it was the right thing to do and she had no intention of her baby being the first on his list of charitable acts and lost causes. "I won't do that to you it's not fair on you, you should be starting your own family. Moreover, it's not fair on us, this baby has lost a father before it was born, I can't have men walking in and out of my bed and our lives. We need someone who wants us, not someone who thinks he has some sort of duty."

"When you turned me down all those years ago I went off the rails because I knew that it was all over for me", he admitted. "I'm not naive I know people can love more than one person and that I could find a woman that I love almost as much as I love you. But I knew that I wasn't just losing you in the back of that limo I was losing my only chance of a family, I can't do this with Ms Second Best, there is no one else I want to do this with, no one else I know how to do this with. I want you, you and this Baby"

She turned away from him, as a single tear ran down her cheek. she chastised herself for allowing it to fall in front of him and quickly wiped it away she had planned to seem strong, nonchalant friendly when he made his appearance, of course she knew he was back the news had gone from New York to Cape Town and back again before he had even landed on American soil.

"You said I couldn't have you." she reminded him

"I was stupid," he admitted kneeling in front of her and turning her around so she could see the truth in his words. Even at the time, his words seemed more suited to a self-sacrificing Romeo like Dan Humphrey than his own more pleasure seeking character, as meatloaf said _Two out of three aint bad_ "I'm willing to settle maybe love is enough." He wiped away yet another wayward tear that had dared to escape from her big brown eyes.

"Chuck Bass, I have wanted you since Victrola probably before that, wanted you so much that it hurt." she smiled down at him, chuck bass on his knees in front of her again "You've been my first choice for longer than I remember, you are just never the safe choice. But…"

"But we've run out of chances?" he finished for her

"Not yet" she explained stroking the skin of his cheek "but if we try again it's the last time and I don't know if either of us is ready. It'd just be a matter of time before we mess it all up. I'd rather wait maybe in the future"

"I guess there could be some excruciating pleasure in that" he smiled at her, his rare but beautiful smile that she had seen more than anyone else.

She wiped away the small tear that his smile had squeeze out of his eyes "I'd just rather we were a maybe than a never"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm home and ready to serve if mother or baby need anything." he reassured her rising to his feet and curtseying in front of her in an incredibly camp manner.

She giggled standing up as quickly as her bump would allow, silently she thanked god that she hadn't lost him "It's a girl Chuck; I found out a while ago, I'm going to call her Nathalia."

She beamed; pride all over her face, she hadn't allowed herself to think or feel about the baby until half way into her seventh month, the date when the baby was independently viable. For 7 months she had thought of her lump as something she had avoid bumping when she sat at her desk or the reason why she had to live vicariously through Serena's wardrobe. It was only when it was safe that it became a baby and ever since it had she had been deliriously happy, fitting 8 months of joy into the 10 weeks she had left.

"It's a beautiful name Blair." he looked at her, happier than he had ever seen her, glowing and pregnant and for one unselfish moment he wished that Nate was in his place that he had been the one to die instead, that Nate was with Blair and they were preparing for the arrival of baby charlotte named after her daddy's best friend. He looked at her and saw his future, it was all but written in the stars, they were inevitable, but it didn't make it hurt any less that his happiness was so intertwined with everything his best friend had lost.

"Will you help me tell her about him?" Blair asked carefully she saw the far away look in his eyes and knew that he was thinking of Nate, it had always been a triangle, a triskelion of power where only two feet could ever be on the ground at once. She knew even though Nate was dead it always would be three, each bond so strong that even she wasn't sure who was the gooseberry, most times she thought it might have been her. "You knew Nate better than anybody I don't know that the future holds but I want her to know about her Father, and I want her to know the person who was the closest thing he had to a brother.

"You want me to tell her about her dope smoking, womanising, xbox360 fiend of a father are you sure about that?"

"I want you to tell her about Nate!" she screeched slapping him on the arm

"Who do you think I was talking about?" he deadpanned

"Chuck Bass, I know you defy convention but speaking ill of the dead really!" she admonished a outraged grin on her face

"Dead or not Fitzwilliam was all of the above and more do you not remember 9th grade." he joked easily

"It's a little hazy"

"The haze of smoke" he retorted dropping down onto the sofa they had ended up in front of.

"Chuck" she singsonged sweetly, as she lowered herself onto the sofa next to him, managing to make his one syllable name sound like a mini aria, it was her scheming voice, usually she made sure that his name rhymed with...duck

"Blair?" he responded carefully, he could tell from the glint in her eye that he had wandered into the conservational equivalent of a minefield; she could want anything from ten dollars to his left kidney.

"Could you get me my jar of pickles from the kitchen and maybe some of the banofee pie that Dorota brought over it's in the fridge?" she asked in a voice that was half way between purring and whining that despite himself he found incredibly reassuring.

"Firstly that is disgusting!" he grimaced a small smile of acquiescence playing on his lips "Secondly what was it that your last slave die of?"

"Serena didn't die she just went to Africa" Blair explained her face completely serious before she locked him with her puppy dog eyes, "look it's not for me, it's Natty, obviously she needs the… potassium in the Bananas, I read somewhere that potassium is vital in a baby's development"

He knew that as soon as she pulled out the big guns puppy dog eyes he was a goner but when an unborn child was a level of warfare that his months in a foreign country had not prepared him for and he wondered if his sister was building schools in Africa was post Blair relaxation!

"In that case I will see what I can do, I never was any good at saying no to my best friend's girl.

The End...

Epilogue to be posted very soon.

I hope people are not disappointed that I didn't really go into details, this is my first fan fic and I sometimes have so much story and so little time to actually write it. Plus my current abilities would not do the ideas in my head justice.


	8. Chapter 8

**So I forgot all about this story and that I just had an epilogue to post... Thank you to the people still reading and favouriting! **

**I own nothing**

Epilogue

"I don't care what Chuck said Serena; I don't need my pyjamas right now! Right now I need you to make sure that the new Mr and Mrs Rosenhann have 21 white doves waiting to fly away and spread their love all over Manhattan!" Blair barked into her blackberry rolling her eyes and ending the call before Serena could respond.

When Serena had come back from travelling the world she had come back with a family to look after and a conviction to look after them. Initially she had been opposed to working with Blair, thinking the a life of planning Bar Mitzvahs and product launches was exactly the life she wanted to avoid, when Blair put her in charge of charity and carbon neutral event planning she realised just how much of a difference she could make because say what you want Serena Van Der Woodsen has always known how to throw a good party!

Chuck tried to slip the phone out of her grasp but she was lighting quick tightening her grip "If you want this phone you will get me some drugs!"

"Blair we've talked about this you want a natural childbirth." Chuck tried to pacify her letting go of the phone and stroking her hair as he tried to spread the fingers of his hand which was trapped in her death like grasp as she rode out yet another contraction.

"There is nothing natural about this situation; I am giving birth to the spawn of Satan, I am never having sex again!" she said her breathing calming down a little as the majority of the pain eased for a moment.

"You are not the only one I doubt I will be able to touch anything let alone have sex! You have almost broken my fingers." Chuck complained as he finally freed his fingers.

"This is all your fault Chuck Bass" she glared at him but to he had never seen her look more beautiful, her hair curly and wild, her face glowing if she were not dressed in a hospital robe with doctors all around he would think she was post-coital. "In typical Bass fashion your son is planning one last game of soccer with my internal organs on his way out."

"Oh because Natty just walked out of there, didn't she?" he laughed at her, a mistake that was instantly punished by her coldest look "I must have imagined that 31 hours of labour and it's been 5 years and my hand has only just recovered, I was looking forward to being able to wear gloves this season."

"Could you be any gayer?" she asked cocking an eyebrow at him, despite her position, location and attire, Blair had never lost the ability to make even the most powerful of men feel 10 inches tall.

"If I am gay what does that make you?"

"Shut it Bass," she instructed with a look that told him that any backchat would lead to a punishment that started in 'sex' and ended in 'ban' "you are here to hold my hand wipe my brow and breathe with me, if I wanted commentary, opinion and stupid questions I would call Cabbage Patch in here."

"As much as I am sure my dear brother-in-law would relish the opportunity of seeing you in stirrups, I doubt he could risk losing his punching hand, he uses it surprisingly often and I think he is busy playing Brangelina in the waiting room." He joked thinking of Dan coping not only with Natalia but also Tamas who was nearly 5, Naima who was just about to turn 4, and 2 year old Ruth.

"I hope you are not letting our daughter play Shiloh to their ever growing rainbow brood you know all they needed was a WASP to complete their set." Blair warned alarmed for a moment, despite her mother's assertions that all babies were born with blue eyes and that even she was blonde as a baby, neither Nathalia's eyes nor hair seemed to be getting any darker, if it weren't for the cupid bow lips and ringlets Blair would have sworn that Nate had managed to make her all by himself. She found it both alarming and ironic that her own child looked more like Serena than any of Serena's children. True Serena and Dan had adopted children in 2 of the countries they had worked in but even their latest addition, their first natural child Ruth had been born with Dan's dark curls and eyes.

The near smile that he had been sporting ever since Blair had announced that she was having his baby, hell it'd been threatening ever since she had agreed to give "them" another chance actually erupted into a grin at the ease with which she called Natty their daughter. She might be all Archibald phenotypes but she had always felt like his in every way.

Recently being the brightest girl in her grade she had realised that she didn't share the same name as her mommy like the other kids in school did, and she had taken to changing her name from Archibald to Bass on everything from party invitations to her passport usually in green crayola, she had even refused to go anywhere near Nate's grave unless her "real daddy" came with her crying whenever anyone mentioned her biological father, it wasn't until Chuck had explained to her just how much both her parents had loved Nate and that they loved even more because she was part of him that she stopped looking jealousy at Ruth's chocolate coloured ringlets and coffee coloured eyes. They had decided that if they were ordering new copies of her documents they may as well take the precaution of having them made the way she wanted them and so Chuck had formally adopted her.

"They are her cousins Blair and she loves them" he argued knowing that Blair adored her nieces and nephew as much as Natty did. .

"Yeah I know it's just Serena has a habit of picking out the cutest and smartest." She explained as if it were the most logical thing in the world "She thinks I haven't seen her looking at Natty like she looked at my bespoke Birkin with the butterflies before she stole it"

"Did someone order a CAB?" came a shout from the door as very pregnant Serena waddled into the room with Blair's much overdue overnight bag, ever since they had revealed that they planned to honour Nate by naming the baby Charlie Archibald Bass Serena had been making weak if not terrible taxi related jokes as a play on his initials. Chuck had wanted to call him Archibald Charles Bass, claiming that Archie Bass had a ring of international playboy about it, Blair had vetoed the idea mostly because she didn't want her son to be a constant reminded of the years she spent playing the malevolent Veronica Lodge to Serena's Angelic Betty Cooper,

"Speaking of butterfly Birkin bags!" Blair shrieked as she realised what Serena had stuffed with her overnight things "Just because you helped your frankly gormless brother pick it doesn't mean you can keep it. I mean you'd think a man who wore that much purple would not have a problem picking out a handbag for his wife!"

"Blair oh darling wife of mine" he cooed knowing that it would annoy the heck out of her "we are having a baby you might want to concentrate."

"B, he is right, you need to keep your blood pressure down" Serena agreed with Chuck, as she seemed to 7 times out of 10, "Plus I didn't steal your bag, I borrowed it, look it's back"

She was just finalising her revenge plans for her husband and her clearly disloyal best friend when the doctor's voice cut into her thoughts "Mrs Bass you are fully dilated next time you feel a contraction I want you to push"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"


End file.
